I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
