She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
