Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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