I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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