so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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