umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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