So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
