dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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