I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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