i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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