you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
