no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
