too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
