i permit you to call me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
