Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
