all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
