I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
