Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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