and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
