in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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