So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
