I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
