ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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