she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
