I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
