You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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