You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
