What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Where is the hickey?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
