I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
