We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
