Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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