this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
