I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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