he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
