God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
