Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
