they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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