that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
