she was so not down for the gang bang
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
