Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
