I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
wow bdsm is so cute
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
