I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
