so that wasnt chicken after all
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
