i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
