i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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