??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
