It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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