Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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