somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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