god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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