note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
