Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
