i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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