but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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